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Welcome to the last chapter in the story of how this blog began. Thank you for journeying with me thusfar. I pray it has been beneficial to some of you in some way. This is still just the beginning.
Monday, February 22, 2010
[Entire reference can be found at this link. Below is an excerpt.]
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/02/do-not-let-anything-keep-you.html
"Do not let anything keep you
from flinging out into the streets, eyes and mouth full of His wonder,…
and awe is why I grab the pen and I make the record,
and Beauty is why I scratch it down late, day after day,
and He makes the pulse race and brushes the tear clear and cups the life tender
and this is why I hurtle over the high fear
and disparaging words can't keep me and splaying shortcomings can't keep me and illness, work, obligations can't keep me,
and He is my blaze and He is my burn and and I cannot be muzzled because what can separate from the telling once the eyes have seen?
Could there be anything greater than this,
the bearing witness
to the sighting?
I give testimony.
And I cannot
not."
I have let even nothing keep me from beginning my blog. I must schedule time to do it or it won’t happen. Tonight. No excuses. Tonight.
God is working on something else in me, too. From the excerpt below, [Another subject for a future post.] I am reminded. Is God in favor of savings accounts and investment portfolios? I know there is good in planning and preparing and taking care of our responsibilities. Yet I also know there is good in charity, generosity, meeting others' needs and living outside of our comforts. I suppose as in many things there is a balance. But where is the fulcrum? Where do responsibility and generosity intersect?
The same can be asked of my priority list. I hardly ever seem to meet the top few of my responsibilities and priorities, much less find time for ministering to others. I think I am called to do it all simultaneously. What an awesome calling for me! Awesome in the sense that everyone, including me, would truly be “full of awe” if I was ever able to do it all. Even once. I don’t doubt that God can do it through me, in me. I only doubt my willingness to let Him. Again, the common prayer request, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I did it. I started the blog. I obeyed. It’s messy, it’s not perfect, it’s not even satisfactory to me, but I obeyed. It is begun. I don’t know the software, I can’t customize it the way I want and I don’t have time to spend on it right now. But I have obeyed and that is the important part. It is truly not a blog of my own making, and that is best. If it were, I would have spent longer on the preparation, design and content, and it still wouldn’t be started. God, use it the way You see fit. Guide my posting, my thinking, my time. I give it all to You. It is Yours. Please frustrate my efforts to make it mine. It must be Yours to be of any value. Guide me in how I share it, when and with whom. That is the next step.
As I look back at last week’s post I think perhaps my Lenten season has begun. [Another subject for a future post.] Is this blog the place where I give up myself and exist for the sake of others? I hope so. So far it is. I certainly don’t want to bring attention to myself in this way. This environment is too uncontrolled for me to be comfortable here. I don’t have the time to control it. I can’t control the image of me that I convey to others. And that is the crux. I leave up to God what he wants me to reveal to the world. I have to. This is the crux, the cross, I bear. Glory to God the Father. Not to me. Only faults and weaknesses and humanity revealed from me. Sins, scars, bruises, mistakes, ugliness. All mine. And in all of that, is revealed the true God who heals, forgives, restores, redeems, loves and makes beautiful. In revealing my utterly embarrassing depravity, God reveals His true Glory. Himself. Thank You, Jesus.
And that, my friends, is the purpose of this blog - to reveal the heart and character of the One True God by revealing how He works in my life. Without Him we are all faulty, weak, lost and ugly. With Him, we are beautiful, powerful, complete, and have a purpose. A destiny.
I pledge to you and to Him, that I will do my best to share with you only His work in my life. I will present to you His glory, character and redemptive work by sharing with you my reliance on Him. If I ever start to present even a hint of self-righteousness, pride or attempt to share in the glory that is His alone, you have my permission to let me know! He has called me to be brutally honest with myself and reveal it through this blog. My tendency is to present a lighter, prettier, more self-flattering version of the truth. I know this will be difficult for me. He has much to teach me and I have much to learn. Yet if I do not share the complete truth, I have done nothing of value for you or me. Will you help me hold myself to this standard? I'm sure God will. In this way we will work together to reveal the truth. Jesus will become clearer, revealed for all to see. May it be so.
Thank You,
Alexis
(If you're new to my blog, this is a continuation of the story that began here. You might want to start at the beginning.)
Over the next few months, I continued to work on and work out my priorities. God continued to clarify His instructions and I continued to seek understanding.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I still struggle to meet my basic responsibilities. I suppose every mother does. Yet I have been able to correct my priorities a bit and give my husband greater emphasis than before. Thank you, Father for accomplishing that. It is not a work completed, but is always in progress. Help me become better at it day by day.
As for the other responsibilities…Lord, give me a passion to keep my home with excellence in a manner worthy of You. Give me a new perspective on cleaning and organizing my home. Perhaps a view that it is a reflection of You, as everything in my life has the potential to be. Help me reflect You accurately in the way that I keep my home. Fill in my gaps and weaknesses so I can improve it for my family and for Your glory.
Thank you Father for this week…a holiday week that reminds us to be grateful for all that we have. ALL we have. Thank You for time with family. Help us to enjoy it all as a gift from You. Thank You for the good and the bad, the difficult and the easy, for blessings and challenges. All things grow us closer to You if we cling to You and have faith on the journey. Thank You.
Continue to help me grow into the woman You call me to be. You have even greater plans for me. Thank You. I commit to continue striving. I must tirelessly work to fulfill Your calling, and depend on Your strength every step of the way. I love You.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Here we are again. I’m still struggling with the same issue: Priorities and where ministry fits in. Obviously, my ministry to my husband and children come first. The question is this: Should I forego ministries that take time away from my husband, children and home until I am able to complete all the duties that come with those priorities? We give money and we lend a hand when we can with small needs here and there. Is that all we are called to do for now? Is that ok for a time? I am beginning to think it might be, but I am still not sure.
But truly, I do feel overwhelmed by the simple tasks that face me every day here in my own house. I have not been able to accomplish them adequately since the girls were born. I don’t even think I accomplished them before the girls were born. But I know it is time I got to work and learned how to be a proper Christian wife and mother and daughter and sister, etc. Whatever the things are that have been preventing success in these areas, they must be dealt with! Anxiety, stress, perfectionism, guilt, self-focus, whatever… I don’t know, but they must get lost!
Father, help me be the woman you have called me to be. Help me deal with whatever issues or obstacles hinder me. Reveal them, shine your light on them, take them up in Your arms and wash me clean of them. I choose to rely on your power, your Spirit, your strength and your guidance. Help me, Father. I have not, can not, will never be able to do it on my own. Guide me, Lord and forgive me for failing you for so many years. This world deserves better from me. YOU deserve better from me. Help me, Father. I love You.
As I re-read my journal and compile my blog posts I am so struck by my seemingly innate ability to stretch and drag and extend everything out until I have uncovered and mulled over every minute detail of every single part of every little thing. Is it as exhausting for you to read as it is for me to live??? No wonder I have trouble accomplishing all my tasks! I take too long! Well, I know some of that is simply the way God made me, and He has a purpose for it. On the other hand, I know some of it is my fleshly nature getting in the way of my destiny. Only God can help me sort out the good from the bad.
My apologies if I am exhausting you with these glimpses into my mind. Be encouraged!! We are about to get to the end of the story; or rather the true beginning of the blog. Then we can move into the here and now to see how God is going to flesh this thing out in all of our lives. I’m looking forward to it!
To the End of the Beginning!
Alexis
(Apologies for the spacing and formatting errors. I'm still new to Blogger. The more I try to fix it, the worse it gets. And who has time to waste with buggy editors?)
Tonight I will continue the story of how this blog began. (The story began here.) I have been tempted to stray in a different direction. I have begun to tire of this long diatribe and I have struggled to make a cohesive story out of months of journal entries. I wonder if it will all make sense to any of you, or if you can even endure reading it all. Yet in reviewing my journal entries, I am reminded of God’s purposes. I learn and remember so much from this process. Most importantly, I am reminded it is for God’s purposes that I am doing this. It won’t always make sense to me, but I know my calling here. He has made it clear. My job is simply to obey. So I continue the story of this blog.
If you have time, the link in my journal entry below is well worth reading. If not, I pulled out a few excerpts that spoke to my journey at the time. The entire post is about much more than this.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/03/fear-of-silence.html
…why scratch down bits of my life, plastering them up on the walls of cyberspace, creating even more visual racket?...
it is long silent beats, the God encounters, that gives us something of worth to say in the normative community circles…
The words we speak must find their genesis from the silent places.
I am still struggling with the call to begin a blog. The more I write, the more I realize how little I have to say. Some days I have nothing at all significant to others. Other days I wax eloquent through thoughts and revelations, and still doubt their worth or validity to others. I hear what I believe the Lord is speaking to me, through me. Yet I am no theologian. I have no tomes of commentaries and ancient texts and translations. I have but little knowledge, cyberspace resources and limited time. I have no doubt that God is speaking to me and transforming me into His likeness. But in my constant state of metamorphosis I know not if my revelations and reasonings reflect ultimate truth –the truth that will someday be fully known to me.
Yet isn’t the Truth Jesus? If I am revealing Him to others, is He the only Word that matters? Still, I hesitate to share any shred of errant self-made doctrine. Yet isn’t it our self-doubt, our humility, our weakness that God is able to most fully shine through? Doesn’t He desire most to work though our weakness so that there can be no doubt that He is the one doing the work? So we have no doubt that He is speaking in our stead? True, that.
So it will only be with holy fear and great trepidation that I humbly and prayerfully take up my pen and scribe my journey for all of the world to see. I must commit to only reveal the Truth as it is revealed to me, and simultaneously claim no credentials but Christ. A sinner saved by grace being transformed by the Spirit, stumbling and balking all along the way. I can claim no authority or comprehensive knowledge. I can only share my story, my testimony, in humility…the manner in which Christ is working in my life to transform me into the self of my destiny. The way He works. That is what I can share. The Truth of His Word. Glimpses of His Glory. How to keep striving towards Him. How to allow Him to work in me. A thoughtful life. A redeemed life. A reformed sinner’s life. A blessed life.
Still, it is a high calling. But a true calling. A calling I think I can answer--He can answer.
During the same period of time in which I was working out the calling to begin a blog, I was also re-reading a series of my favorite Christian novels that dealt with written words becoming reality. (Ted Dekker's The Circle Series) God was using that concept to illustrate the importance of journaling and writing to me, and also to remind and teach me the power His Word holds for all of us. As I pondered these concepts, He also gave me the following Scriptures.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
2 Corinthians 3
1Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? 2You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. 3You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
4Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
The Glory of the New Covenant
7Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, 8will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? 9If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! 10For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!
12Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 14But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
My words alone etched here do not save me or make me righteous or absolve all my sins. Only the Spirit of the Living God through Christ gives me the Words that heal, save, redeem. My words alone will not save anyone else – may not even be read by anyone else. Only through the living of my life through Christ will He be etched on other hearts. Through the Spirit, my words and my life may mean something for His Kingdom, but without His Spirit they are empty and meaningless. Meaningless meanderings of a muddled mind. But thanks be to God who takes away the veil, revealing His full glory to our hearts through the Spirit, so that we can see Him fully, with clarity, and live in complete freedom to be continually transformed into his likeness. Ever-increasing glory. His glory that we once could only behold through a veil while it was fading away, is now being fully revealed to us in increasing measure and transforming us into its likeness. Amazing. Thank You, Father. I am unworthy of this gift. Through Christ I am made worthy. I choose to live in the wonder of this gift today. Through Your Spirit I fully experience Your glory and therefore have an impact on others that is worth something. Without You I have nothing of value, except my decaying body that You created. But without Your indwelling, it will surely die and vanish forever. Lasting significance comes only from You. Meaning comes only from Your Truth.
If I fail to record the activity of the Spirit of God working in my life, all my writing is in vain. This blog means nothing to anyone if it is not about God -- His activity in me, through me, around me and in spite of me. My words alone have no power, no inspiration, no significance -- just as the Law given to Moses only served to condemn us and reveal our depravity, our desparate need for salvation. Christ's redemption is the only remedy for our utter depravity -- He is the fulfillment of the Law and it's requirements. Only through His Spirit living in me do I have any hope, any power, any significance to record. If I fail to share this hope, power and redemption with You through my words, I have wasted my time, your time, my calling. I endeavor to share with you only His activity in my life. Otherwise I am as a noisy gong or clanging cymbal and my words mean nothing. (1 Cor. 13:1-2) I love and appreciate God too much to waste His gifts and calling. I love and appreciate you too much to waste your time and your life.
In Love,
Alexis
With great fear and humility, I continue this journey and record it for all eyes to see. This leg of the journey began several months ago, though my journey began thirty-some-odd years ago (and only One knows how far back the preparations really began). Therefore, I believe the best beginning comes from excerpts from my personal journal. This is the story of KNOWN.
Monday, October 19, 2009
...Oftentimes I feel the compulsion to share my gifts with others, or that God has given me gifts worthy of being shared with others; some things they could learn from. I have wondered if I am too hasty with that compulsion. Am I too proud of what I have been given or have learned? So proud that I feel superior in some way and therefore must grace others with the knowledge I have or the special talent I have? I’m beginning to feel that sometimes I am too quick to jump to that conclusion. This is pride. Also, approval-seeking, and I need not go there anymore. I have given that up. I need not man’s approval; only God’s. I need not feel SO blessed by my gifts, talents or lessons learned that I cannot simply appreciate them for the gifts that they are to me – also, take time to develop them – before I must flaunt them before the world.
I can see in a way how shouting them from the rooftops is good and right. Allowing the Living Waters to overflow from me to others is Our Commission. I have been given these gifts and experiences that I might serve others with them. My concern is that I use them with right motives. Not to bring glory to me, but to Him. Not too hastily, that I might miss all of what God is developing in me. To simply appreciate them for the gift they are to me is the right beginning. To allow Him to develop them to His standard and His goal so that I might be able to completely share them with others is the right goal. To follow His leading in sharing them with others is the only proper catharsis.
I know too often I mull and ruminate over things for too long before sharing them. Help me, Lord, find the balance – wait for Your Spirit to lead me – not fearfully delay, or proudly rush onward. I do not want to begin a blog for my own glory or the glory of my children or the informing of my loved ones. Though perhaps some of those are noble goals. But I simply do not feel led to add to the cacophony of voices shouting to be heard over the fray unless I have something You deem worthy of shouting. There is so much noise on this world-wide web. I have never been one to shout over the noise for my own sake or of my own accord. Lord, if You have something for me to shout through a blog, I will gladly shout it. With all joy and enthusiasm – energy that could only come from You. And if You have somewhere else my words need to be heard, I will shout them there too. But I vow that I will NOT shout anything, anywhere that does not come from Your Voice and Your prodding Spirit. Help me do that. Lead me in this task. I seek and await your direction.
In the meantime and in the quiet times, I will record these words here as an encouragement and reminder to myself, and a manner of bringing Glory to you. For you have given us all the gift of words that we might record Your deeds and forget not the great and mighty things You have done for our generation and the ones to come. Thank You, Father.
