Holy Fear and Humility

With great fear and humility, I continue this journey and record it for all eyes to see. This leg of the journey began several months ago, though my journey began thirty-some-odd years ago (and only One knows how far back the preparations really began). Therefore, I believe the best beginning comes from excerpts from my personal journal. This is the story of KNOWN.

Monday, October 19, 2009
...Oftentimes I feel the compulsion to share my gifts with others, or that God has given me gifts worthy of being shared with others; some things they could learn from. I have wondered if I am too hasty with that compulsion. Am I too proud of what I have been given or have learned? So proud that I feel superior in some way and therefore must grace others with the knowledge I have or the special talent I have? I’m beginning to feel that sometimes I am too quick to jump to that conclusion. This is pride. Also, approval-seeking, and I need not go there anymore. I have given that up. I need not man’s approval; only God’s. I need not feel SO blessed by my gifts, talents or lessons learned that I cannot simply appreciate them for the gifts that they are to me – also, take time to develop them – before I must flaunt them before the world.

I can see in a way how shouting them from the rooftops is good and right. Allowing the Living Waters to overflow from me to others is Our Commission. I have been given these gifts and experiences that I might serve others with them. My concern is that I use them with right motives. Not to bring glory to me, but to Him. Not too hastily, that I might miss all of what God is developing in me. To simply appreciate them for the gift they are to me is the right beginning. To allow Him to develop them to His standard and His goal so that I might be able to completely share them with others is the right goal. To follow His leading in sharing them with others is the only proper catharsis.

I know too often I mull and ruminate over things for too long before sharing them. Help me, Lord, find the balance – wait for Your Spirit to lead me – not fearfully delay, or proudly rush onward. I do not want to begin a blog for my own glory or the glory of my children or the informing of my loved ones. Though perhaps some of those are noble goals. But I simply do not feel led to add to the cacophony of voices shouting to be heard over the fray unless I have something You deem worthy of shouting. There is so much noise on this world-wide web. I have never been one to shout over the noise for my own sake or of my own accord. Lord, if You have something for me to shout through a blog, I will gladly shout it. With all joy and enthusiasm – energy that could only come from You. And if You have somewhere else my words need to be heard, I will shout them there too. But I vow that I will NOT shout anything, anywhere that does not come from Your Voice and Your prodding Spirit. Help me do that. Lead me in this task. I seek and await your direction.

In the meantime and in the quiet times, I will record these words here as an encouragement and reminder to myself, and a manner of bringing Glory to you. For you have given us all the gift of words that we might record Your deeds and forget not the great and mighty things You have done for our generation and the ones to come. Thank You, Father.

Case closed, right? Did you notice the date? October. What month is it now? February. Obviously there's more to the story. Check back tomorrow or later in the week for the next leg of the journey that led me here.

To Barely Brave Beginnings,
Alexis