End of Preface

Welcome to the last chapter in the story of how this blog began. Thank you for journeying with me thusfar. I pray it has been beneficial to some of you in some way. This is still just the beginning.

Monday, February 22, 2010

[Entire reference can be found at this link. Below is an excerpt.]
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/02/do-not-let-anything-keep-you.html

"Do not let anything keep you
from flinging out into the streets, eyes and mouth full of His wonder,…

and awe is why I grab the pen and I make the record,
and Beauty is why I scratch it down late, day after day,
and He makes the pulse race and brushes the tear clear and cups the life tender


and this is why I hurtle over the high fear
and disparaging words can't keep me and splaying shortcomings can't keep me and illness, work, obligations can't keep me,

and He is my blaze and He is my burn and and I cannot be muzzled because what can separate from the telling once the eyes have seen?


Could there be anything greater than this,
the bearing witness
to the sighting?

I give testimony.
And I cannot
not."


I have let even nothing keep me from beginning my blog. I must schedule time to do it or it won’t happen. Tonight. No excuses. Tonight.

God is working on something else in me, too. From the excerpt below, [Another subject for a future post.] I am reminded.  Is God in favor of savings accounts and investment portfolios? I know there is good in planning and preparing and taking care of our responsibilities. Yet I also know there is good in charity, generosity, meeting others' needs and living outside of our comforts. I suppose as in many things there is a balance. But where is the fulcrum? Where do responsibility and generosity intersect?


The same can be asked of my priority list. I hardly ever seem to meet the top few of my responsibilities and priorities, much less find time for ministering to others. I think I am called to do it all simultaneously. What an awesome calling for me! Awesome in the sense that everyone, including me, would truly be “full of awe” if I was ever able to do it all. Even once. I don’t doubt that God can do it through me, in me. I only doubt my willingness to let Him. Again, the common prayer request, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”
  
Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I did it. I started the blog. I obeyed. It’s messy, it’s not perfect, it’s not even satisfactory to me, but I obeyed. It is begun. I don’t know the software, I can’t customize it the way I want and I don’t have time to spend on it right now. But I have obeyed and that is the important part. It is truly not a blog of my own making, and that is best. If it were, I would have spent longer on the preparation, design and content, and it still wouldn’t be started. God, use it the way You see fit. Guide my posting, my thinking, my time. I give it all to You. It is Yours. Please frustrate my efforts to make it mine. It must be Yours to be of any value. Guide me in how I share it, when and with whom. That is the next step.


As I look back at last week’s post I think perhaps my Lenten season has begun. [Another subject for a future post.] Is this blog the place where I give up myself and exist for the sake of others? I hope so. So far it is. I certainly don’t want to bring attention to myself in this way. This environment is too uncontrolled for me to be comfortable here. I don’t have the time to control it. I can’t control the image of me that I convey to others. And that is the crux. I leave up to God what he wants me to reveal to the world. I have to. This is the crux, the cross, I bear. Glory to God the Father. Not to me. Only faults and weaknesses and humanity revealed from me. Sins, scars, bruises, mistakes, ugliness. All mine. And in all of that, is revealed the true God who heals, forgives, restores, redeems, loves and makes beautiful. In revealing my utterly embarrassing depravity, God reveals His true Glory. Himself. Thank You, Jesus.

And that, my friends, is the purpose of this blog - to reveal the heart and character of the One True God by revealing how He works in my life. Without Him we are all faulty, weak, lost and ugly. With Him, we are beautiful, powerful, complete, and have a purpose. A destiny.

I pledge to you and to Him, that I will do my best to share with you only His work in my life. I will present to you His glory, character and redemptive work by sharing with you my reliance on Him. If I ever start to present even a hint of self-righteousness, pride or attempt to share in the glory that is His alone, you have my permission to let me know! He has called me to be brutally honest with myself and reveal it through this blog. My tendency is to present a lighter, prettier, more self-flattering version of the truth. I know this will be difficult for me. He has much to teach me and I have much to learn. Yet if I do not share the complete truth, I have done nothing of value for you or me. Will you help me hold myself to this standard? I'm sure God will. In this way we will work together to reveal the truth. Jesus will become clearer, revealed for all to see. May it be so.

Thank You,
Alexis

Just Obey Already!

Continuing the story of why and how this blog began, below is another excerpt from my personal journal.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Ask, and ye shall receive! Ever since Monday’s pondering about whether to blog or not, God has not stopped speaking to me about that very topic. Even during that entry, He was already speaking to me. And now that I think about it, He was even guiding me to the answer before then. The question has been rolling around in my mind for a long time. I suppose, since I became pregnant, when I suddenly felt I had something worth blogging about. Funny how perspective changes. Because now my children aren’t the primary subject I feel led to blog about. Yet they were and are a major catalyst that has sent me back to my knees time and again. God has used them mightily to illuminate my weakness and selfishness and also draw out the gifts and abilities He has given to me. Most importantly, He has used them to draw me back to himself begging for the forgiveness and holiness my soul longs for, and seeking the direction and wisdom I dare not go on without.

Obviously, as mentioned in Monday’s entry, I am good at pondering, mulling and planning without ever DOING. They say if you put off making a decision for long enough, you have in essence, made your decision. Thus is my modus operandi. In Bible Study last week we studied the Israelites crossing the Jordan River. (Joshua 3) The priests had to step into the raging river BEFORE God stopped the water from flowing. We should OBEY God’s instructions immediately, even if the plan isn’t all clear to us. In Bible Study this week, [a friend] told us about her trip to the [unnamed mission initiative] in Africa. Discussion ensued about how we often sit and wait for God to speak to us before we commit to serve Him in certain areas. We’re waiting for something earth-shattering or life-altering to happen. Often we never end up making a move. All the while, needs around us are going unmet, souls are being lost and other workers are exhausting themselves. Sometimes finding the “perfect” opportunity doesn’t matter. Just jumping in and doing SOMETHING is the most important thing. While you are working, God will speak. (Know of a better place to hear him, than wherever you are serving Him?) If He doesn’t want you serving there, He’ll make it clear. If He has another opportunity in mind for You, He’ll let you know. But in the meantime, you will be serving others and glorifying Him. Often, that’s a whole lot better than sitting around in your prayer closet, waiting. Mostly, I don’t know what I’m waiting for. He’s usually already spoken to me at that point, and I’m just reluctant to get started.

I’m not saying that in my case, humility is not important. Pride is something I need to rid myself of. But if I wait until I empty myself of pride before beginning this endeavor, I’ll be waiting a long time – forever. When all the while, I could have been glorifying God and sharing Him with others. And He certainly won’t forget about my pride and need for humility while I’m writing my blog. Oh no. I’m sure He’ll use the whole experience to work on me in exactly that area, among others. Amazing! Thank You, God for this journal, Your Spirit, that Bible Study (just finished), and for the way You move. If I hadn’t been writing it all down, I never would have noticed it. Thank You for words, especially Yours.

So it was settled then. Then very next day I began this blog. 

Wrong. Of course, it didn't happen that way.  I'm too complicated for that. I mean look at how many posts it is taking to tell you why I'm even writing this blog!  Someone else would have just written one sentence and been done with it.  Not me.  There's more, and the plot is about to thicken, as they say.  I'm sure you were hoping for it to get interesting sometime soon. Otherwise, you'd be surfing away wishing you hadn't wasted ten minutes of your life reading these two posts! So tune in later this week for more of the story, if you think you can stand the excitement.


Complicatedly  Yours,
Alexis