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Welcome to the last chapter in the story of how this blog began. Thank you for journeying with me thusfar. I pray it has been beneficial to some of you in some way. This is still just the beginning.
Monday, February 22, 2010
[Entire reference can be found at this link. Below is an excerpt.]
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/02/do-not-let-anything-keep-you.html
"Do not let anything keep you
from flinging out into the streets, eyes and mouth full of His wonder,…
and awe is why I grab the pen and I make the record,
and Beauty is why I scratch it down late, day after day,
and He makes the pulse race and brushes the tear clear and cups the life tender
and this is why I hurtle over the high fear
and disparaging words can't keep me and splaying shortcomings can't keep me and illness, work, obligations can't keep me,
and He is my blaze and He is my burn and and I cannot be muzzled because what can separate from the telling once the eyes have seen?
Could there be anything greater than this,
the bearing witness
to the sighting?
I give testimony.
And I cannot
not."
I have let even nothing keep me from beginning my blog. I must schedule time to do it or it won’t happen. Tonight. No excuses. Tonight.
God is working on something else in me, too. From the excerpt below, [Another subject for a future post.] I am reminded. Is God in favor of savings accounts and investment portfolios? I know there is good in planning and preparing and taking care of our responsibilities. Yet I also know there is good in charity, generosity, meeting others' needs and living outside of our comforts. I suppose as in many things there is a balance. But where is the fulcrum? Where do responsibility and generosity intersect?
The same can be asked of my priority list. I hardly ever seem to meet the top few of my responsibilities and priorities, much less find time for ministering to others. I think I am called to do it all simultaneously. What an awesome calling for me! Awesome in the sense that everyone, including me, would truly be “full of awe” if I was ever able to do it all. Even once. I don’t doubt that God can do it through me, in me. I only doubt my willingness to let Him. Again, the common prayer request, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I did it. I started the blog. I obeyed. It’s messy, it’s not perfect, it’s not even satisfactory to me, but I obeyed. It is begun. I don’t know the software, I can’t customize it the way I want and I don’t have time to spend on it right now. But I have obeyed and that is the important part. It is truly not a blog of my own making, and that is best. If it were, I would have spent longer on the preparation, design and content, and it still wouldn’t be started. God, use it the way You see fit. Guide my posting, my thinking, my time. I give it all to You. It is Yours. Please frustrate my efforts to make it mine. It must be Yours to be of any value. Guide me in how I share it, when and with whom. That is the next step.
As I look back at last week’s post I think perhaps my Lenten season has begun. [Another subject for a future post.] Is this blog the place where I give up myself and exist for the sake of others? I hope so. So far it is. I certainly don’t want to bring attention to myself in this way. This environment is too uncontrolled for me to be comfortable here. I don’t have the time to control it. I can’t control the image of me that I convey to others. And that is the crux. I leave up to God what he wants me to reveal to the world. I have to. This is the crux, the cross, I bear. Glory to God the Father. Not to me. Only faults and weaknesses and humanity revealed from me. Sins, scars, bruises, mistakes, ugliness. All mine. And in all of that, is revealed the true God who heals, forgives, restores, redeems, loves and makes beautiful. In revealing my utterly embarrassing depravity, God reveals His true Glory. Himself. Thank You, Jesus.
And that, my friends, is the purpose of this blog - to reveal the heart and character of the One True God by revealing how He works in my life. Without Him we are all faulty, weak, lost and ugly. With Him, we are beautiful, powerful, complete, and have a purpose. A destiny.
I pledge to you and to Him, that I will do my best to share with you only His work in my life. I will present to you His glory, character and redemptive work by sharing with you my reliance on Him. If I ever start to present even a hint of self-righteousness, pride or attempt to share in the glory that is His alone, you have my permission to let me know! He has called me to be brutally honest with myself and reveal it through this blog. My tendency is to present a lighter, prettier, more self-flattering version of the truth. I know this will be difficult for me. He has much to teach me and I have much to learn. Yet if I do not share the complete truth, I have done nothing of value for you or me. Will you help me hold myself to this standard? I'm sure God will. In this way we will work together to reveal the truth. Jesus will become clearer, revealed for all to see. May it be so.
Thank You,
Alexis
(If you're new to my blog, this is a continuation of the story that began here. You might want to start at the beginning.)
Over the next few months, I continued to work on and work out my priorities. God continued to clarify His instructions and I continued to seek understanding.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I still struggle to meet my basic responsibilities. I suppose every mother does. Yet I have been able to correct my priorities a bit and give my husband greater emphasis than before. Thank you, Father for accomplishing that. It is not a work completed, but is always in progress. Help me become better at it day by day.
As for the other responsibilities…Lord, give me a passion to keep my home with excellence in a manner worthy of You. Give me a new perspective on cleaning and organizing my home. Perhaps a view that it is a reflection of You, as everything in my life has the potential to be. Help me reflect You accurately in the way that I keep my home. Fill in my gaps and weaknesses so I can improve it for my family and for Your glory.
Thank you Father for this week…a holiday week that reminds us to be grateful for all that we have. ALL we have. Thank You for time with family. Help us to enjoy it all as a gift from You. Thank You for the good and the bad, the difficult and the easy, for blessings and challenges. All things grow us closer to You if we cling to You and have faith on the journey. Thank You.
Continue to help me grow into the woman You call me to be. You have even greater plans for me. Thank You. I commit to continue striving. I must tirelessly work to fulfill Your calling, and depend on Your strength every step of the way. I love You.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Here we are again. I’m still struggling with the same issue: Priorities and where ministry fits in. Obviously, my ministry to my husband and children come first. The question is this: Should I forego ministries that take time away from my husband, children and home until I am able to complete all the duties that come with those priorities? We give money and we lend a hand when we can with small needs here and there. Is that all we are called to do for now? Is that ok for a time? I am beginning to think it might be, but I am still not sure.
But truly, I do feel overwhelmed by the simple tasks that face me every day here in my own house. I have not been able to accomplish them adequately since the girls were born. I don’t even think I accomplished them before the girls were born. But I know it is time I got to work and learned how to be a proper Christian wife and mother and daughter and sister, etc. Whatever the things are that have been preventing success in these areas, they must be dealt with! Anxiety, stress, perfectionism, guilt, self-focus, whatever… I don’t know, but they must get lost!
Father, help me be the woman you have called me to be. Help me deal with whatever issues or obstacles hinder me. Reveal them, shine your light on them, take them up in Your arms and wash me clean of them. I choose to rely on your power, your Spirit, your strength and your guidance. Help me, Father. I have not, can not, will never be able to do it on my own. Guide me, Lord and forgive me for failing you for so many years. This world deserves better from me. YOU deserve better from me. Help me, Father. I love You.
As I re-read my journal and compile my blog posts I am so struck by my seemingly innate ability to stretch and drag and extend everything out until I have uncovered and mulled over every minute detail of every single part of every little thing. Is it as exhausting for you to read as it is for me to live??? No wonder I have trouble accomplishing all my tasks! I take too long! Well, I know some of that is simply the way God made me, and He has a purpose for it. On the other hand, I know some of it is my fleshly nature getting in the way of my destiny. Only God can help me sort out the good from the bad.
My apologies if I am exhausting you with these glimpses into my mind. Be encouraged!! We are about to get to the end of the story; or rather the true beginning of the blog. Then we can move into the here and now to see how God is going to flesh this thing out in all of our lives. I’m looking forward to it!
To the End of the Beginning!
Alexis
I am so grateful for the gift of written words. That I can record God's activity in my heart and life, means so much to me. I have a memory problem and journaling is the perfect solution. If I had not been writing down God's activity in my life, I would have overlooked the following subtle but strikingly significant event. God was testing me even in the midst of a lesson not yet learned. And He was taking time to teach me more about priorities as I continued to wrestle with the lesson on obedience.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I feel confident about these priorities and this plan. Lord, continue to guide me regarding my priorities and lead me to make changes as needed and place things where they belong. I desire to do nothing without You.
Interesting. Yesterday, as I was making this list of priorities, I received a phone call that challenged me immediately. I was so focused on what I was doing, it caught me completely off guard. I was communing with God and seeking His will earnestly. My mind was slow at catching up to what the phone call was about. It was an opportunity to do some graphic design for my church's music ministry. I almost said yes, but I know myself well enough to know I should never answer a question like that on the spot. I asked for 24 hours before answering. Almost immediately after the call I knew the answer should be ‘no.’ Simply considering the logistics of how I would make it happen was enough to make me laugh. Still, I gave it some time and even discussed it with Luis. Sometimes I am completely surprised by his thoughts, so I should always consult him on matters of this import. I thought maybe financially he saw a need that I could possibly fill. Well, it was good that I asked, but he completely agreed with me. It is almost a preposterous idea at this point in time. I am always amazed at how my brain works, or doesn’t work, in certain situations. I was immediately thrilled at the prospect – almost as if I had completely forgotten the last 2 years of my life! Wow. Yet it is understandable how I could be touched by something I held such a passion for – perhaps the passion is still within me waiting for its next opportunity. Well, this clearly isn’t it. One look at my list of priorities can tell us that. The challenge of this whole scenario makes perfect sense. God is speaking to me and the world is challenging me. Good things vs. the best things.
Phil.1:9-10 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ;
With knowledge and discernment granted by God, I choose the excellent. And I choose to do it in a manner worthy of Christ. For behold the manner in which He chose the excellent for me.
Perhaps this little event seems insignificant. It does seem to be a bit of an aside from the larger story at hand. But isn't that just the way God works? In the midst of one lesson, He somehow teaches us another. We seek answers for one question, and sometimes He speaks to us the answers for a completely different question. Were we asking the wrong question? Perhaps. Not always. But isn't it exactly in keeping with God's character to give us abundantly more than we even think to ask for? (Eph. 3:20) That is why I am so grateful for this lesson on priorities in the midst of my lesson on obedience. (And I passed the pop quiz!!!) You can probably already see or imagine the countless other lessons He has been teaching me along the way.
Next time... a lesson about the significance of the written word and His Word.
The Eternal Student,
Alexis
This is the life priority list I penned back in October, and have made very little changes to it since. I keep it at the top of my journal so I see it often. Whenever I need to make a decision, I refer to it and put things in their proper place.
PRIORITIES
1. God
a. Scripture
b. Prayer
c. Bible Study
d. Journaling
2. Husband
a. Spiritually
b. Emotionally
c. Physically
d. Communication/Decisions
3. Children
a. Physically
b. Spiritually
c. Emotionally
4. Home
a. Laundry
b. Clutter
c. Organizing
d. Cleaning
5. Close Family
a. Communication
b. Witness
c. Physical/Emotional Support
6. Close Friends
a. Communication
b. Physical Support
7. Others
a. Ministry
b. Evangelism
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Yes, these are clearly Your priorities for me. I have prayed and thought a lot about it in the past 24 hours. I know they are right and I also found an article referencing some Scriptures and explaining how they apply to a Christian wife and mother (Titus 2:4-5 and 1 Tim. 5:10, 14). http://www.titus2.com/corners/7-03-m.htm ( I wouldn’t say I exactly agree with everything in this article, but it is not completely wrong and is good food for thought.)
Right now I believe the right thing to do is set up a better daily schedule and work toward achieving my priorities daily in their proper order. I can be specific about them if I keep a running list of what falls into each category. I think I’ll put it at the top of my journal so it is always present before me and I can edit it as needed. After I set up a good schedule and begin to work the plan, I will see how much time I have left to begin a blog. I can use part of my journaling time for it, but Scripture, prayer, study and personal journaling must take precedence.
I know God is calling me to minister to others. I eagerly anticipate being able to do it. But He has called me first to be a wife and mother. If it takes the accomplishing the former to enable me to do the latter, then so be it. But I choose not to forsake my husband and family chasing after visions of glory. His Glory is to be found in my daily ministry to my husband and each of my children. When I am diligently seeking to serve them first in their proper order, then I can begin to take time ministering to others. In the meantime, we can share His glory with others by living His model for the family. That in itself is a powerful ministry.
Guide me, Lord, as I seek to live out Your priorities in my life. Guide me in making an organized plan and sustain me with the will and energy to carry it out.
If you're new to my blog, (and frankly, who isn't?), you'll need to go back to the very first post and read them in succession to get the full story. I am continuing to post excerpts from my personal journal that explain how and why I began this blog, and therefore what you and I can expect from it in the future.
Conundrum. Yes, God continues to speak to me about writing a blog. No, I am not certain of the answer yet.
After Friday’s entry, I thought more about the time element. [Do I have time to write a blog?] What other responsibilities and priorities do I currently have that I am already struggling with? Quite a few: being a wife, a homemaker, a mother of two young toddlers. And when I told my husband I was going to start a blog, the words just sounded so hollow and flat in my own ears. I heard all of the unmet obligations and incomplete tasks from the past and present echo all around us. I saw them flash through his eyes. When he asked, “why?” all I could muster in reply was an unenthusiastic, “because God is leading me to start one.”
Who could argue with that? What a cop-out answer! I knew I wasn’t prepared to justify myself to him – as I never am. Why am I never prepared to explain myself to him? Why does it always catch me off guard, wound my pride and hurt my feelings? Well, there is the answer in the question: pride. Always there, always waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Pride. And I give it plenty of opportunities to rear its ugly head. What is wrong with me having to explain my thoughts? Why do I get offended by it? Just explain how God led me there. Simple. I can do that. Just do it.
The question before me is this. Is God leading me to begin a blog right now when I am struggling to fulfill my current family and home responsibilities? Clearly my priorities are 1) personal time with God; 2) relationship with Luis (including resolving issues); 3) meeting all my children’s needs; 4) household chores (increasing quantity to eventually eliminate hired help). After those areas, come my extended family and my accountability group, and any other number of things God calls all of us to do. Then comes other specific things He has for me to do. All of these things/people are clear expectations and responsibilities given from God. Therefore they must all be well within my ability to perform excellently. To me, they sound overwhelming and nearly impossible. Yet, I know the Truth.
2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Proverbs 31:10-31, Entitled, “The Wife of Noble Character"
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Yesterday’s post was never finished. I have continued to frantically search Scriptures and references for some guidance on how to live out these priorities. Maybe they should be somewhat different than I have them listed. The question remains. All I can hold on to right now is the list as I have them and the assurance that God equips the called. He does call me to all of these things. Therefore, He does equip me for all of these things. Perhaps the question is, will I choose to be obedient at all costs? Obedient when I’m tired, when I’m sad, when I’m guilty, when I’m lazy, when I’m burdened, when two little girls cry out for attention, when a husband needs me… Obedient at all times, at all costs in spite of myself. Can I deny my own desires without neglecting my needs?
God, You are calling me now to live out the life You have always called me to live. You have created me. You know my limitations, my struggles. Yes, but you also know my abilities, my possibilities, my gifts. Does it come down to which I allow to rule me? I cannot allow the darkness, the flesh to rule my life. I will walk in the freedom of choice – the choice to walk in Your light, Your fruits, Your strength, Your glory. By this, I can do all things. (Phil. 4:13) Help me, Father.
Thus began an internal struggle and the igniting of a strengthening resolve to accomplish all that God had set before me. How did I begin to do that? With my List of Priorities, of course. Tune in next time to see that list and how perfectly I am able to accomplish all of them. (not)
Equipped and Determined,
Alexis
