Monday, October 26, 2009
Conundrum. Yes, God continues to speak to me about writing a blog. No, I am not certain of the answer yet.
After Friday’s entry, I thought more about the time element. [Do I have time to write a blog?] What other responsibilities and priorities do I currently have that I am already struggling with? Quite a few: being a wife, a homemaker, a mother of two young toddlers. And when I told my husband I was going to start a blog, the words just sounded so hollow and flat in my own ears. I heard all of the unmet obligations and incomplete tasks from the past and present echo all around us. I saw them flash through his eyes. When he asked, “why?” all I could muster in reply was an unenthusiastic, “because God is leading me to start one.”
Who could argue with that? What a cop-out answer! I knew I wasn’t prepared to justify myself to him – as I never am. Why am I never prepared to explain myself to him? Why does it always catch me off guard, wound my pride and hurt my feelings? Well, there is the answer in the question: pride. Always there, always waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Pride. And I give it plenty of opportunities to rear its ugly head. What is wrong with me having to explain my thoughts? Why do I get offended by it? Just explain how God led me there. Simple. I can do that. Just do it.
The question before me is this. Is God leading me to begin a blog right now when I am struggling to fulfill my current family and home responsibilities? Clearly my priorities are 1) personal time with God; 2) relationship with Luis (including resolving issues); 3) meeting all my children’s needs; 4) household chores (increasing quantity to eventually eliminate hired help). After those areas, come my extended family and my accountability group, and any other number of things God calls all of us to do. Then comes other specific things He has for me to do. All of these things/people are clear expectations and responsibilities given from God. Therefore they must all be well within my ability to perform excellently. To me, they sound overwhelming and nearly impossible. Yet, I know the Truth.
2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Yesterday’s post was never finished. I have continued to frantically search Scriptures and references for some guidance on how to live out these priorities. Maybe they should be somewhat different than I have them listed. The question remains. All I can hold on to right now is the list as I have them and the assurance that God equips the called. He does call me to all of these things. Therefore, He does equip me for all of these things. Perhaps the question is, will I choose to be obedient at all costs? Obedient when I’m tired, when I’m sad, when I’m guilty, when I’m lazy, when I’m burdened, when two little girls cry out for attention, when a husband needs me… Obedient at all times, at all costs in spite of myself. Can I deny my own desires without neglecting my needs?
God, You are calling me now to live out the life You have always called me to live. You have created me. You know my limitations, my struggles. Yes, but you also know my abilities, my possibilities, my gifts. Does it come down to which I allow to rule me? I cannot allow the darkness, the flesh to rule my life. I will walk in the freedom of choice – the choice to walk in Your light, Your fruits, Your strength, Your glory. By this, I can do all things. (Phil. 4:13) Help me, Father.Thus began an internal struggle and the igniting of a strengthening resolve to accomplish all that God had set before me. How did I begin to do that? With my List of Priorities, of course. Tune in next time to see that list and how perfectly I am able to accomplish all of them. (not)
Equipped and Determined,