Tonight I will continue the story of how this blog began. (The story began here.) I have been tempted to stray in a different direction. I have begun to tire of this long diatribe and I have struggled to make a cohesive story out of months of journal entries. I wonder if it will all make sense to any of you, or if you can even endure reading it all. Yet in reviewing my journal entries, I am reminded of God’s purposes. I learn and remember so much from this process. Most importantly, I am reminded it is for God’s purposes that I am doing this. It won’t always make sense to me, but I know my calling here. He has made it clear. My job is simply to obey. So I continue the story of this blog.
If you have time, the link in my journal entry below is well worth reading. If not, I pulled out a few excerpts that spoke to my journey at the time. The entire post is about much more than this.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/03/fear-of-silence.html
…why scratch down bits of my life, plastering them up on the walls of cyberspace, creating even more visual racket?...
it is long silent beats, the God encounters, that gives us something of worth to say in the normative community circles…
The words we speak must find their genesis from the silent places.
I am still struggling with the call to begin a blog. The more I write, the more I realize how little I have to say. Some days I have nothing at all significant to others. Other days I wax eloquent through thoughts and revelations, and still doubt their worth or validity to others. I hear what I believe the Lord is speaking to me, through me. Yet I am no theologian. I have no tomes of commentaries and ancient texts and translations. I have but little knowledge, cyberspace resources and limited time. I have no doubt that God is speaking to me and transforming me into His likeness. But in my constant state of metamorphosis I know not if my revelations and reasonings reflect ultimate truth –the truth that will someday be fully known to me.
Yet isn’t the Truth Jesus? If I am revealing Him to others, is He the only Word that matters? Still, I hesitate to share any shred of errant self-made doctrine. Yet isn’t it our self-doubt, our humility, our weakness that God is able to most fully shine through? Doesn’t He desire most to work though our weakness so that there can be no doubt that He is the one doing the work? So we have no doubt that He is speaking in our stead? True, that.
So it will only be with holy fear and great trepidation that I humbly and prayerfully take up my pen and scribe my journey for all of the world to see. I must commit to only reveal the Truth as it is revealed to me, and simultaneously claim no credentials but Christ. A sinner saved by grace being transformed by the Spirit, stumbling and balking all along the way. I can claim no authority or comprehensive knowledge. I can only share my story, my testimony, in humility…the manner in which Christ is working in my life to transform me into the self of my destiny. The way He works. That is what I can share. The Truth of His Word. Glimpses of His Glory. How to keep striving towards Him. How to allow Him to work in me. A thoughtful life. A redeemed life. A reformed sinner’s life. A blessed life.
Still, it is a high calling. But a true calling. A calling I think I can answer--He can answer.
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