Obedience

Ok. I know I promised you the end of the beginning, but I'm short on time and I think this post is best split into two. So only one more post after this one until this story is complete.

Again, this journal entry quotes from my current favorite blog. But I cannot deny the powerful way God has spoken to me through the life and pen of this "cyber-sister."

Tuesday, February 02, 2010


Ann Voskamp marvels at the wonder of ice crystals on her windowsill – how intricate, miraculous, delicate and fleeting. Mostly unnoticed.

[A link to the entire post is provided, but I have included an excerpt below.]

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/02/how-to-discover-true-value-of-you-and.html




“Beauty out of nothing.
Worship out of thin air.

I push away from my desk, kneel down on knees by the sill. How can I blithely keep working when wonder is happening and right there on the windowsill? Who will give witness? Who will whisper glory, Glory?


Heavens fall white.

That God creates this finely wrought beauty and no one continuously applauds. That in the womb of winter, He weaves water into clear crystal, glass.


That every single one of these millions of snowflakes births out of vapor, vapor of ocean waves, of jungle plants, of river current. Vapor of my every breath, now falls snow, breath of God. Vapor with no genetic code to follow, that assembles out of air into rarefied design, ornaments of The Invisible Hands.


And I rarely notice and I rarely give praise and whether His work is regarded is entirely irrelevant because God is fixed on beauty, and the pure joy of the creating, and the secret delight simply in the working. I can’t get over it – every flake masterpiece and there are no accolades and what do I know of hidden work simply for His glory’s sake?


Water droplets pool on the ledge.


The pile of stacked powder on the sill – is it waning? Has the temperature shifted even just a degree? They’re melting. Exquisiteness evaporating, the stellar dendrites, carved glass arms, one at a time, right before my eyes, vanishing. Beauty vanishing into thin air. All His magnificence…. Gone. I can’t believe how I mourn in that moment.


I am vapor too, grieving my kin and in each flake fading I see the way of my going.


And yet to God, there is hallowed worth simply in the being, that the coming and the being is the important, not the accomplishing or the acknowledgments. That the masterpiece of each person is all to His glory no matter the noticing and that all work need be beauty, even if unsung vapor.


God revels in the unrecognized.


‘Do not depend on the hope of results. When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on, essentially an apostolic work, you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect.

As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself.’
 —Thomas Merton, in a letter to Jim Forest dated February 21, 1966"



Today in my Bible study, Psalm 119:49-56 describes a confidence and comfort in obedience despite the opinions or reactions of others. Oh, to be confident and satisfied with “the value, the rightness, the truth of” pure obedience! What a gift from God! That we would know the truth, He would give it to us, and we would find complete freedom in obedience!

Oh, to be completely satisfied by my Audience of One! Will I ever truly cease performing for others? One day I will. That one day.  Until then, I will continue striving to please the only One who truly matters, and be completely satisfied with His thoughts of me. Pure obedience is completely independent of earthly results - accolades or criticisms. Lord, help me obey with a pure heart.

In Obedience,
Alexis

Gratitude

Today, I added to my Gratitude Journal. If you haven't seen it yet, you can check it out. Better yet, start your own! I generally add to mine once a week or so. See the explanation at the bottom of the Gratitude page.

With Thanksgiving!
Alexis

Sorting it Out

(If you're new to my blog, this is a continuation of the story that began here. You might want to start at the beginning.)

Over the next few months, I continued to work on and work out my priorities. God continued to clarify His instructions and I continued to seek understanding.

Monday, November 23, 2009

I still struggle to meet my basic responsibilities. I suppose every mother does. Yet I have been able to correct my priorities a bit and give my husband greater emphasis than before. Thank you, Father for accomplishing that. It is not a work completed, but is always in progress. Help me become better at it day by day.

As for the other responsibilities…Lord, give me a passion to keep my home with excellence in a manner worthy of You. Give me a new perspective on cleaning and organizing my home. Perhaps a view that it is a reflection of You, as everything in my life has the potential to be. Help me reflect You accurately in the way that I keep my home. Fill in my gaps and weaknesses so I can improve it for my family and for Your glory.

Thank you Father for this week…a holiday week that reminds us to be grateful for all that we have. ALL we have. Thank You for time with family. Help us to enjoy it all as a gift from You. Thank You for the good and the bad, the difficult and the easy, for blessings and challenges. All things grow us closer to You if we cling to You and have faith on the journey. Thank You.

Continue to help me grow into the woman You call me to be. You have even greater plans for me. Thank You. I commit to continue striving. I must tirelessly work to fulfill Your calling, and depend on Your strength every step of the way. I love You.


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Here we are again. I’m still struggling with the same issue: Priorities and where ministry fits in. Obviously, my ministry to my husband and children come first. The question is this: Should I forego ministries that take time away from my husband, children and home until I am able to complete all the duties that come with those priorities? We give money and we lend a hand when we can with small needs here and there. Is that all we are called to do for now? Is that ok for a time? I am beginning to think it might be, but I am still not sure.

But truly, I do feel overwhelmed by the simple tasks that face me every day here in my own house. I have not been able to accomplish them adequately since the girls were born. I don’t even think I accomplished them before the girls were born. But I know it is time I got to work and learned how to be a proper Christian wife and mother and daughter and sister, etc. Whatever the things are that have been preventing success in these areas, they must be dealt with! Anxiety, stress, perfectionism, guilt, self-focus, whatever… I don’t know, but they must get lost!

Father, help me be the woman you have called me to be. Help me deal with whatever issues or obstacles hinder me. Reveal them, shine your light on them, take them up in Your arms and wash me clean of them. I choose to rely on your power, your Spirit, your strength and your guidance. Help me, Father. I have not, can not, will never be able to do it on my own. Guide me, Lord and forgive me for failing you for so many years. This world deserves better from me. YOU deserve better from me. Help me, Father. I love You. 

As I re-read my journal and compile my blog posts I am so struck by my seemingly innate ability to stretch and drag and extend everything out until I have uncovered and mulled over every minute detail of every single part of every little thing. Is it as exhausting for you to read as it is for me to live??? No wonder I have trouble accomplishing all my tasks! I take too long! Well, I know some of that is simply the way God made me, and He has a purpose for it. On the other hand, I know some of it is my fleshly nature getting in the way of my destiny. Only God can help me sort out the good from the bad.

My apologies if I am exhausting you with these glimpses into my mind. Be encouraged!! We are about to get to the end of the story; or rather the true beginning of the blog. Then we can move into the here and now to see how God is going to flesh this thing out in all of our lives. I’m looking forward to it!

To the End of the Beginning!
Alexis

The Truth

(Apologies for the spacing and formatting errors. I'm still new to Blogger. The more I try to fix it, the worse it gets. And who has time to waste with buggy editors?)

Tonight I will continue the story of how this blog began. (The story began here.) I have been tempted to stray in a different direction. I have begun to tire of this long diatribe and I have struggled to make a cohesive story out of months of journal entries. I wonder if it will all make sense to any of you, or if you can even endure reading it all. Yet in reviewing my journal entries, I am reminded of God’s purposes. I learn and remember so much from this process. Most importantly, I am reminded it is for God’s purposes that I am doing this. It won’t always make sense to me, but I know my calling here. He has made it clear. My job is simply to obey. So I continue the story of this blog.

If you have time, the link in my journal entry below is well worth reading. If not, I pulled out a few excerpts that spoke to my journey at the time. The entire post is about much more than this.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/03/fear-of-silence.html

…why scratch down bits of my life, plastering them up on the walls of cyberspace, creating even more visual racket?...

it is long silent beats, the God encounters, that gives us something of worth to say in the normative community circles…

The words we speak must find their genesis from the silent places.

I am still struggling with the call to begin a blog. The more I write, the more I realize how little I have to say. Some days I have nothing at all significant to others. Other days I wax eloquent through thoughts and revelations, and still doubt their worth or validity to others. I hear what I believe the Lord is speaking to me, through me. Yet I am no theologian. I have no tomes of commentaries and ancient texts and translations. I have but little knowledge, cyberspace resources and limited time. I have no doubt that God is speaking to me and transforming me into His likeness. But in my constant state of metamorphosis I know not if my revelations and reasonings reflect ultimate truth –the truth that will someday be fully known to me.

Yet isn’t the Truth Jesus? If I am revealing Him to others, is He the only Word that matters? Still, I hesitate to share any shred of errant self-made doctrine. Yet isn’t it our self-doubt, our humility, our weakness that God is able to most fully shine through? Doesn’t He desire most to work though our weakness so that there can be no doubt that He is the one doing the work? So we have no doubt that He is speaking in our stead? True, that.

So it will only be with holy fear and great trepidation that I humbly and prayerfully take up my pen and scribe my journey for all of the world to see. I must commit to only reveal the Truth as it is revealed to me, and simultaneously claim no credentials but Christ. A sinner saved by grace being transformed by the Spirit, stumbling and balking all along the way. I can claim no authority or comprehensive knowledge. I can only share my story, my testimony, in humility…the manner in which Christ is working in my life to transform me into the self of my destiny. The way He works. That is what I can share. The Truth of His Word. Glimpses of His Glory. How to keep striving towards Him. How to allow Him to work in me. A thoughtful life. A redeemed life. A reformed sinner’s life. A blessed life.

Still, it is a high calling. But a true calling. A calling I think I can answer--He can answer.